The cat's out of the bag: Dan is rich

Welcome to the official "Dan is Rich" blog, dedicated to our friend Dan and his vast wealth. As you can see from this photo, Dan has a massive amount of money that he keeps in some sort of vault, not unlike Scrooge McDuck. Dan's a real old school rich guy who prefers not to invest his money, but rather keep it around for it's aesthetic value. He's been known to swim and/or roll around in it.

This is something that we've all known about for quite some time. I first grew suspicious of Dan's wealth when I was using his bathroom. He was out of toilet paper, so he handed me a handful of $100 bills and said "Eh, just use this. It's just money that I won during my poker game with Bill Gates". My suspicions of Dan's wealth were confirmed when I saw him at the Shell Station pumping gas into the sewer because "he felt like wasting money". That's one hell of a hobby if you ask me.

This blog will be dedicated to sharing stories and pictures about Dan's wealth, so please check back frequently. But don't think that Dan is some sort of superior being just because of his worth, in reality he's a regular American like the rest of us. As he once said in an email:

"I'm just like all of you. When I wake up in the morning my butler dresses me and puts my pants on me one leg at a time just like everyone else."

We love you, Dan. (Photo Credit: Dave "Dolo" Dolinshek)